Clyde McBride Presents: The Loud Zoo
by Exotos135
Summary: Join narrator Clyde McBride as he showcases some specimens from the infamous Loud Zoo of Royal Woods.


_Outside the Loud house..._

A camera turned on, and Clyde-wearing a fedora hat and a bowtie-adjusted his glasses.

"Hello, and welcome to "Royal Woods Nature, with Clyde McBride," Clyde greeted as he reached for the doorknob. "Today, we're going to visit a very divisive location in the Royal Woods, the legendary Loud Zoo. Let's get moving, shall we?"

Clyde opened the door, and immediately fell to the ground. The camera followed him, and it was revealed he tripped on one of Lily's toys, with the baby laughing and clapping as well.

"Uh huh! The first thing we come across in this bizarre environment, is the adorable, Flory Babylonian," Clyde grabbed the baby and made her the focus of the camera. "The most recent addition of the loud zoo, it's easily the youngest as well."

"Poo-Poo!" Lily shouted with a chuckle.

"It also has limited vocal expressions, so let's move on," Clyde walked deeper into the house and reached Lisa, who was playing chess with a miniature robot. "And here we have Genius Maximus, who's in the middle of some important game, I presume?"

"I am indeed, I invented the worst chess-playing robot in existence!" Lisa proudly proclaimed. "That means I will inevitably win!"

The robot won anyway.

"It's a very well-known fact that no matter what she does, Genius Maximus sucks at chess," Clyde nonchalantly told the camera.

Lisa promptly attacked Clyde.

 _Camera cut to the living room..._

Lola and Lana were playing a videogame while Clyde continued his narration.

"And here we have two more members of the zoo, Diva Pretentius and Mudi Plumbericus, sharing a not-often-seen sense of cooperation in order to beat a videogame," Clyde narrated just before the twins' lost their game.

"Lana, you messed up!" Lola growled, dropping the controller to the ground.

"I messed up?!" Lana repeated, sounding offended. "You were the one flying all over the place!"

"But of course, it's common knowledge that the instant anything goes wrong, Diva and Mudi immediately get on each other's throats," Clyde continued, then added some enthusiasm to his tone when the twins engaged in a big ball of violence. "Ah, right here, we can see the resulting ball of violence that-"

The ball of violence clashed with Clyde, and the camera cut off to static.

 _Later, upstairs..._

The camera turned back to normal to show Lynn's back, showing she was wearing her shirt, but nothing on the lower half of her body.

"This is what's known as the Lynx Sportacusi, a sports junkie who practices dozens of sports a day to hide her physical insecurity," and as Lynn scratched her butt, Clyde added, "However, she seems to be in a bit of a problem right now. Let's see how she deals with it."

"Ugh, where did I left my lucky sho-" Lynn turned around, then covered herself and blushed when she noticed the geek and his camera. "Clyde! What are you doing here?!"

"I'm making a documentary about your house, that's all," Clyde nonchalantly answered.

"Clyde, turn that thing off before I beat you up-!" Lynn raised her fists, but quickly lowered them when she remembered she need to keep her privates covered up. Then blushing as red as a tomato and smiling sheepishly, she added, "A-After I find something to cover myself with, bye!"

And once she left, Clyde turned to the camera with a sly smile and said, "Let's move on, shall we?"

 _Camera cut to Lucy and Lynn's bedroom..._

Lucy was reading a book while Clyde narrated. "Right here we have the roommate of Lynx Sportacusi, Obscuri Gothica," Clyde narrated, right before Lucy noticed him. "Best known for her dark, gothic attire, and for her unflappable nature-"

"I-Is that a camera?!" Lucy asked, then got on her knees and clasped her hands, with her smile implying she was just playing. "Oh please, great dark lord Clyde, don't take my soul with your cursed camera! I'll be your faithful servant, I promise!"

"Lucy, my camera can't do that," Clyde, not getting what Lucy was doing, bluntly pointed out.

"Your camera doesn't steal the souls of those who had their pictures taken?" Lucy asked, sounding a bit disappointed.

Clyde's answer was a blunt "No."

After remaining silent for a moment, Lucy frowned and grabbed a pillow. "Your camera sucks!" Lucy sternly stated and prepared to throw her thing. "Die, camera!"

Next thing Clyde knew, the camera tumbled down and cut to static.

 _Sometime later, at Luna and Luan's bedroom..._

The camera returned to normal to show Clyde in between Luan and Luna, the latter who was playing her acoustic guitar while the former adjusted her flower. "Sorry for the interruption everybody, the Obscuri Gothica can be very dangerous if made upset," Clyde narrated. "Luckily, the Rocky Rockerus and Comedi Amateurus are among the nicest of specimens in the loud zoo."

"Except during April Fools Day, in Luan's case," Luna quipped.

"Yeah, I mean, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me," Luan argued, before getting up and saying, "Fool me three times, you might as well call me April! Am I right, or am I right?"

"An interesting factoid about Comedi Amateurus is that her bad sense of humor hides a load of insecurities deep within her body," Clyde narrated, causing Luan to wince as Luna laughed out loud. "Just like how Rocky Rockerus has a bad habit of referencing old songs most people probably don't even remember."

Luna's laughter stopped, but she didn't immediately become angry. Instead, she looked more along the lines of confused. "Insecurity?!" Luan shouted, stomping the ground. "Let me tell you I'm not only very confident in my comedy, but I'm very popular on the internet!"

"I like to see that "habit" you're talking about as more of a quirk, really," Luna added.

"They also become really defensive when honestly critiqued," Clyde added, either unaware or not caring of the sisters' reactions.

"Hey, just because that's true doesn't mean you can just say that out loud!" Luan exclaimed, earning an "are you serious?" look from Luna. "I mean... Get out!"

 _Camera cut to Lori and Leni's bedroom..._

Clyde was posing using one of Leni's dresses, while the fashionista sat nearby and clapped in delight. "We're near the end of this little trip, my friends, and here we have two of the most interesting specimens in the zoo," Clyde narrated before focusing on the happy Leni. "Here we have Ditzy Fabulosa, an expert fashionista who also happens to be the most dense of the specimens."

"Oh, Clyde, you, like, look so cute in that outfit!" Leni chirped.

Then they heard the door open.

"What is this?! Looks like we've come across the final specimen of the zoo!" Clyde turned the camera to focus on Lori, who was looking at the duo with surprise. "The legendary Lorelei Ditchbobbyandmarrymeinsteadocus!"

"Clyde, what are you doing in my room, besides the obvious obsession with me?" Lori sternly asked.

"I'm filming a documentary about your siblings in the style of a zoo," Clyde answered.

"Literally _all_ of my siblings?" Lori inquired, earning a nod. "What about Lucy?"

"I'm sure I recorded her on the way here," Clyde nonchalantly responded.

Then Leni asked, "Well, what about Lincoln?"

Clyde's ensuing silence spoke for itself.

 _Cut to the hallway again..._

"I will admit it's a bit embarrassing I forgot to include my best friend, but to be fair, the sisters are the most interesting aspect of the zoo," Clyde narrated, leaning next to Lincoln's door. "But don't worry, I'll fix this in a moment! Soon enough, the door to the true final specimen shall-"

Lincoln-looking rather worried-opened the door, and Clyde was struck by it. Lincoln closed the door, then helped Clyde get back up. "Sorry, Clyde, I didn't see you there!" Lincoln said, dusting his best friend. "Are you okay?"

"Behold, the Blueorange Genericus!" Clyde exclaimed, clearly dizzy from the strike. "What sort of information could you provide for this documentary?"

"Clyde, I don't think this is a good time to do this documentary thing," Lincoln looked to his left and right. "I heard that someone was stupid enough to anger Lynn, and I need to find her and try to calm her down before she beats everybody up!"

"Huh, maybe she's angry because I decided to film her with her lower body uncovered for the documentary?" Clyde guessed as Lynn, now wearing a towel to cover her lower body, slowly rose up behind him.

"You filmed Lynn while her lower body was completely uncovered?!" the white-haired boy shouted. "Clyde, what were you thinking?!"

"Hey, it's a miracle she didn't notice me at first! And besides, why would she care if some people saw her naked? That'd just show them how great she looks!" Clyde argued, causing Lynn to flinch and blush. "I mean, with her toned muscles, her slick skin, she seriously has the potential to gain the body physique of a super model, mixed with an athlete! I bet when she grows up, she's going to be among the hottest of your sisters, after Lori, of course."

Lynn blushed harder and played with her hair as Clyde continued. "Not to mention she's a good team player and strong enough to protect those she love, some of the best qualities a girl could ever have!"

Then Lynn giggled, notifying Clyde that she was behind him. And as the athlete hugged the dark-skinned geek, Lincoln quietly went back to his bedroom and closed the door. "Oh Clyde, I didn't knew you had such an amazing way with words," Lynn remarked, running her hand through the boy's face. "I got to say, your last words really flattered me."

"So, you're not going to beat me up until you turn me into a human pretzel?" Clyde said hopefully.

"Oh no, that's Lori's job, I'm just going to beat you up," Lynn bluntly answered, turning all of Clyde's hopes into fear. "But I'm going to do it in the most loving way possible."

Then, Lynn leaned for a kiss, but stopped when she saw the camera was still running. "Um, do you mind?"

The athlete covered the camera and the sounds of both kissing and punches being thrown, with the occasional kiss, were heard.

 _Final camera cut to the backyard..._

A heavily bruised Clyde, whose face was covered with kiss marks, waved goodbye as he said, "And that's the legendary Loud Zoo of the city of Royal Woods! Join me next time where we'll see, the infamous Santiago Forest!"

Then he hit the ground before falling unconscious, with the camera shutting down soon afterwards.


End file.
